Rei and Kai: Journal and Fan Mail
by Yami Maniac
Summary: Kai and Rei shall be so kind as to share their fan mail with us. Blackmail and bribery was needed for the journals. Kai's had to be stolen.
1. Rei Mail 1

_**Rei and Kai: Journal and Fan Mail**_

_**Rei mail 1**_

_Heya! This is Yami Maniac. Just to let those who can be bothered know, you can e-mail me with ideas for the fan/hate mail and/or entries in the journals. I'll try my best but I have a major exam coming up and therefore I can't do everything at once._

_I see zero point in this so I'll say it now and it applies to the whole fic._

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN BEYBLADE OR ANY OTHER ANIME/MANGA/GAME/BOOK CHARACTER YOU SEE HERE SO THERE!**_

_Except, of course, my dearest OC's, whom I love to pieces. Them I own._

yamimaniacyamimaniac

**From: (none)**

To my lord and master and love of my life, Rei.

Squeeeeeeee! I can't believe I'm actually doing this! I am you no.1 fan x 100 Squeeeeeeee! Oooohie! Can you go kiss Kai 4 me please? I'm waiting in the tree outside your window with a camera right now! Squeeeeeee!

I LOVE U! PLS MARRY ME!

IsecretlystalkYOU

yamimaniacyamimaniac

**From: Re:**

AH! Who are you, you crazy woman! You are a freak of a rabid stalker fangirl!What are you doing outside **my** window, in **my** tree! You are using words that don't even exist! I can't understand even a **quarter** of your message and what I **can **understand is **seriously freaking me out!** **I am 100 _straight_ thank you!** Even **if** I **were gay,** it definitely would **not** be with Kai! He is **_SCARY!_ **He was yelling at us all morning (all Tyson's fault) AND we had to run TEN laps extra! Even ME! AND THE DAY I MARRY A TWISTED RABID FANGIRL STALKER IS THE DAY BRYAN LETS A GIRL WITH HAIR MORE THAN ONE COLOUR HUG HIM LIKE AN OVERSIZED PLUSH TOY! SO NOT HAPPENING!

The one and only,

Rei Kon

yamimaniacyamimaniac

Grr. How **dare** she. **THAT'S MY TREE! _MINE!_ **Eh, sorry. Kind of territorial. Just a little. Okay, a lot. Just ask Max. He learnt the full extent of my wrath when he stole my headband. **THAT WAS SPECIAL! MY MOMMY GAVE ME THAT! IT WAS EVEN A PRETTY RED COLOUR!** Sorry again.

Okay, I know you are **dying** to know what happened to that highly irritating girl. Well, I found her in **my** tree and kicked her off. Then, I 'borrowed Dragoon kind of without permission' (this scene was cut out because it was too violent with multiple ultra-high-pitched screams, blood and gore) Tyson was upset because I made his precious Dragoon all bloody. I told him it was payback for this morning. He kept his mouth shut after that.

I didn't see Kai there. Hm… the last I saw him was with that book he was reading. That was after training. He looked worried. Anyway, goodbye my lovelies. For those who endured that, you get a "One Hug Rei" Card.

The greatest,

Rei Kon

yamimaniacyamimaniac

_YM: Hope you liked that. There's a little blue-purple button in the bottom left of the screen. You see it? Good. Now, click on it and send some nice reviews._


	2. Kai Mail 1

_**Rei and Kai: Journal and Fan Mail**_

_**Kai Mail 1**_

_I got a request from Iluvbeyblade requesting that Kai gets hate mail. I have nothing against Kai personally so none of Kai's fangirl's should try to kill me tonight._

yamimaniacyamimaniac

Hm, maybe I shouldn't have gotten an e-mail address. This kind of thing was bound to happen sooner or later. It was just sooner than I expected.

XxX

**From: Kai Hiwatari**

**Subject: (none)**

I hate you.

XxX

It was just like that. Just three words. What a waste of time.

_Ba-dum_

Eh? Another mail.

XxX

**From: Rei. Rules**

**To: Kai Hiwatari**

**Subject: (none)**

About time you opened that, baka.

XxX

She knows I opened it? She can see me? There's a word for that isn't there? I believe it is 'stalker'.

_Ba-dum_

XxX

**From: Rei. Rules**

**To: Kai Hiwatari**

**Subject: (none)**

Hmph. Don't be such a pervo Hiwatari. I'm just confronting your treatment of REI. Who is a God to us REI worshippers.

XxX

Perfect. A fangirl AND a stalker. My day can't get worse.

_Ba-dum_

XxX

(By now you should know who it is)

Oh, it CAN get worse Hiwatari. Tala is seeing this and is laughing his ass off.

XxX

Oh my God.

_Ba-dum_

XxX

Hahahaha! Kai! You should see your own face. Priceless. You totally fell for my trick.

Yup.

This is TALA.

Not some messed up Rei worshipper.

Muahahaha.

XxX

Hn. I never knew Tala was stalker material.

_Ba-dum_

XxX

WTH? KAI! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!

XxX

Who fell for whose trick now?

_Ba-dum_

XxX

That was low Hiwatari.

XxX

I'm switching off the computer now so I don't contract Tala's brain damage.

yamimaniacyamimaniac

That was…amazingly pathetic of Tala. I wonder what's the commotion outside…

WHAT IF THEY FOUND MY DIA-erm I mean JOURNAL! I'LL BE DEAD!

Oh wait. They're just trying to tell me dinner's ready. And my journal is right here.

What's that word I heard (that rhymed?) Rei use?

Tee-hee? Okay, yes. Tee-hee. The great Kai Hiwatari just went Tee-hee.

I sound like Tyson. Not good.

Anyway, better go before Rei throws a hissy fit again. It wasn't pretty the last time…

The great one whom you just did not hear go Tee-hee,

Kai Alexander Hiwatari

yamimaniacyamimaniac

_YM: Next up, Rei's first journal entry. Please review! puppy dog eyes_


	3. Rei 1

_**Rei and Kai: Journal and Fan Mail**_

_**Rei Entry 1**_

_**Disclaimer which applies to the whole fic: **Yami Maniac does not in any way own any of the mentioned characters except her OCs Thank you._

_In which Rei is called a girl and attacks person who did so and said person ends up in hospital._

yamimaniacyamimaniac

Dear weird book thing which I got on Christmas, I am Rei Kon. Yes, I am THE Rei Kon, don't you dare oppose me you inanimate object or I will rip you into pieces with Drigger. Now that the introduction is over, I will tell you the crap that is my life. Kai is missing and it is dinner time. Yes, I know that is no cause for alarm but I put effort in my cooking and I can't trust the others because they don't exactly have a fair sense of evaluation. (Yes, gaspshockomygod, I know a word like that. But I am of course, THE Rei Kon…) Tyson swallows it before he can taste it, Kenny doesn't know what he's eating half the time because he's doing only god knows what on that computer of his, (Kai once said that he could have been looking at porn and Kenny's face turned such an interesting multitude of colors. It was pink, then red, then maroon, then violet, then indigo and then it became this weird bluish color because he wasn't breathing but don't tell him I told you okay? What? You want another 'One free Hug Rei' card? Oh, fine. Here, and don't tell!) Max is too nice too say the truth even if it was bad and Hilary can't cook so she can't say nada. Yes, Kai cooks. Tala told me. Kai really needs some new friends. His friends rat on him 24/7. Like on how he's scared of those little chocolate fishes you can get in ice-cream and if you throw one at him, he'll scream like a woman. What? You accuse me of trying to make him sound like a sissy? Well, maybe. BUT I **didn't** do it! Instead, I told Kevin, who told Lee, who told Hilary, who told Daichi and we all watched as Daichi threw a chocolate fish at Kai while going "Heeeelp me! Don't eeeat meeee!" in this really high, squeaky voice and Kai screamed and fainted. We managed to revive him an hour later and since then, his tolerance of Daichi went beyond the negative 10000000s. That's why Daichi doesn't count when I want my cooking rated, he's in the hospital four fifths of the time. How in the world did I get this far off subject? I think I need an anti-Kai sticker on this book. Let's get back to the dinner.

"Where's Kai?" I asked, angry like hell but not showing it…much.

"Dunno," all those idiots said. Then the doorbell rang.

I laughed evilly. "I'll get it." I ran to the door. Oh, this will be good… Kai is DEAD.

I flung the door open and shouted "Kai you are a horrible person! Just for that, I will put CHOCOLATE FISH into you food! Then we'll see if…oh my- Tala! Did I hit you with the door? I'm sososososososososo sorry. Wait. Where is Kai?"

"Yes. Ow…"Tala covered his bleeding (more likely broken) nose with one hand. "He's righd behin you."

I blinked. "What? I can't understand what you're trying to say," I said. Man, I feel so guilty. Maybe I should ask him in for dinner. He could eat Kai's share. Yay! That would kill two birds with one stone!

Tala pointed one finger at something behind me. I looked around and…

"Kai?" I asked quietly. He was too busy glaring at his 'friend' over my shoulder.

"I can explain," Tala offered. What lousy timing. Hm, must remind myself to ask him why he's got sticks and leaves in his hair. After I've punished Kai sufficiently, that is. Wait a second, those leaves look familiar. I picked one out of the uncontrollable red bush that Tala **claims** is his hair and stared at it. And sniffed it too be sure. Yep, it was. Tala was in MY tree. **_MY_** tree. The one right outside the bedroom I am forced to share with the evil captain. My _sacred space_. The place I can escape to if Tyson or Daichi cross the line, or Hilary PMS's or Max goes on high or if something bad happens in general. Okay, now I must restrain myself. I don't think some people would like it if I put Tala in the hospital. Oh wait, I know!

"Rei, what are you doing?" Tala asked. Kai raised one eyebrow. I laughed evilly.

I pushed them both out the door and locked it. The door, I mean.

"Rei, open the door! Lemme in! I don't want to be stuck out here with HIM!" Tala shouted. Suddenly, I think of the three little pigs, except I'm not a pig and my house isn't straw. Oh, Tyson can be the pig! I'll go ask him… or not.

"Now, be good and maybe I won't have to force-feed you ice-cream 'till you pass out, tie you upside-down to a streetlamp and use you as a punching bag. I might even give you dinner. Later!" I said evilly. Bwahahahahahaha! Ooh, I am turning evil. Must be Kai's influence. Anyway, I'm not hungry so I decide to go to the room which I don't have to share tonight. Yay! Progress! Ooh, I sound immature. Something is pounding on the window. I better take a look. I didn't manage to catch all of the evil squirrels in my tree and cook them yet. Joking, just joking, who would honestly want to eat those things? They're too hairy. Bleh. I open the window and see Kai on my tree. He will pay but first I want to know how he got five bottles of vodka when his wallets lying on the table inside. Wait a minute, I didn't know Kai drinks. I know Tala does. Oh wait, I see the connection.

That's Tala's drink. And Kai's forcing Tala to do something stupid and is using the alcohol as bait. When did he get so evil.

"FINE! I'll say it! Rei looks like a girl! Happy now Kai you evil beep?! Now give me my vodka!" the red-head yells. Oh, how he will pay.

"Kai, if you answer correctly I'll let you come inside without serious injury like what SOMEONE'S going to get soon. Should I force-feed him those packs of 64 Non-toxic crayons in Max's room and flog him with a 2 by 4 until he's unconscious or tie him upside-down blindfolded in the path of a speeding truck?" I said angrily.

"How about the first one? And when did you become evil?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Influence is a powerful thing."

(Scene is removed due to extreme violence)

Kai called the paramedics while I refused to let him into MY room. I'm not going let him in after sounding like a ten-year old.

I am writing this as he bangs on the door. Hehe. This is the great one you may address as Rei Kon.

Sincerely,

The one and only and best in the world,

Rei Kon.

Rei Kon Rei Kon

_YM: Pls Review! Then you get the cookies i stole from the kitchen counter!_


	4. Kai 1

_**Rei and Kai: Journal and Fan Mail**_

_**Kai 1**_

_**Disclaimer: **__Already said and done._

_YM: I've been away from this fic for an ungodly amount of time. Yes, a miracle has occurred. I am back. For how long, I have no idea. Beyblade has lost its appeal, sigh._

_In which Kai was locked out of his room by the girl in a guy's body, aka the Chinese cat-demon-thing, bickered, nearly split the household in two trying to open the door, and was nearly sent to the hospital to visit Tala by pissed off people._

--

Dear Diary Journal.

I am pissed.

Not ordinary type of pissed. You know, the 'pissed at that idiot Tyson because the slob slept while he was supposed to be training and he even insisted on being Captain even though he has no self discipline whatsoever, so he shall suffer, and just for kicks, make that 'guy who's actually a girl' bitchy and get him to maul Tyson over or even worse, withhold dinner'.

No, that is normal. It happens nearly every morning. This was more of the 'OMG, did that 'girl in a guy's body' just freaking lock me out of my own freaking room? OMG, WTH, he did? I don't believe it, but I have this familiar feeling I get every morning, what's it called again? I'm so shocked I seem to not be able to recall…' pissed.

I stare at the door. I drop the phone I called Tala's ambulance with. I try to open the door. The door refuses to be opened. I bang on the door. The door still refuses to be opened. I bang again. Kon's evil cackle sounds. Ruffling of pages. I freeze.

"Don't tell me I left my diar- journal, erm, yes, journal, in there!"

Oh wait, it's right here. I'm writing in it. I need to stop doing that paranoia thing…

"Open the freaking door Kon! This is your Captain speaking! Or I'll burn your freaking door down!" I shouted. He ought to have heard me.

"It's your door too, Hiwatari _xian sheng_!(1)" Kon laughs. Evilly.

Dammit. I've been letting him spend too much time with that idiot redhead. He's being corrupted.

"I have the money to buy a new door! You don't!" I shout back.

"But if you buy a door, I get a door too!"

"Not if I wait long enough for you to buy it first!"

"That won't happen! I'll just wait for you to buy it first!"

"Hah! I'd like to see you try, Kon! Mister 'You're late for two minutes! You aren't getting dinner without a risk to your life!'!"

"Are you implying I poison the team's food?! I would _never_ waste food like that! How dare you, Hiwatari! You can cook tomorrow, and see if I care!"

"Of course you'd care! You'd have to eat it too!"

"As if I'd be so stupid! I'll cook for myself!"

"Selfish brat!"

"Egoistic jerk!"

"Effeminate person of questionable gender!"

"Rich bastard!"

"Genetic freak accident!"

"Red Indian stuck in the 90's!"

"Racist, stereotypical prude!"

"Now, who's being childish, Hiwatari!?"

"You, obviously!"

"Hey, Rei, Kai, take it easy…" Kenny suggested timidly from the corner.

"_HELL NO! YOU STAY OUT OF IT!!"_

"Okay…" he whimpered, and slunk off, probably to a cybercafé (to look at more porn).

Whatever. I'm going to open the damn door and go stay in a hotel for two weeks. That'll _force_ him to replace the door. Besides, I need to practice Dranzer's new technique.

"Phoenix Fire Inferno: Explosive Hurricane!"

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!**_

Aw, _crap._

Note to self. That is not an ideal indoors technique. The house might need some repairs…

"**What. The. Hell. Do. You. Think. You. Just. Did**?" several very angry people demanded slowly and evilly.

Kon, who I am still convinced has very unhealthy obsessions, with Drigger out, biting back… tears?... as he stared at a few smoldering leaves out the window…

Tyson, with a burnt black jar of cookies, looking at me as if I had committed infanticide…

Max, bangs shadowing his eyes, holding up half a colored drawing in crayon, the other half crumbling to ashes…

Hilary, clenching a two-sizes-to-small-for-her-even-though-she-won't-admit-it top, in a towel… Woah, double-take there! Towel? What does the idiot girl think she's doing going around in a _towel_? Some new fashion trend or something?

"Hiwatari, you will pay," Kon threatened, wiping away the tears with the back of his hand while muttering about '_my_ tree', '_my_ sacred space' and '_damn Russians'_.

See, I told you he was racist.

"_Pervert!_" Hilary shrieked in a voice that would make banshee jealous. Wait, did she just scream pervert at me? Me? The great _me_?

Nah. That's not possible.

Tap. I turned slightly. Max was smiling like a 600 watt light bulb. He showed me the burnt crayon-scribbled-on paper, and then he showed me the chainsaw.

Geez, what's _his_ problem? I happen to think I did the world a service when I removed that thing from existence. Sheesh. Kids these days.

"Kai," Tyson addressed me. "I can take your being captain. I can take you being a heartless slave driver. I can even take you treating the rest of us like crap. But you _never_," his eyes gleamed. "_Never_, will get away with the murder of these poor innocent cookies that never even got to see the world before they were cruelly and painfully killed by your evil fiery chicken from hell. _Never_!"

Suddenly, I thought it was a very good idea to get to my hotel room. Fast.

I was right.

(As usual, this scene has been emitted, partially because Kai was too busy running for his life that he could not write it out, partially because he injured his right arm.)

Unidentified scribbles. Is it some new sort of code? Scribbles. Scribbles. (Chicken scratch.) More scribbles. Is it another language? Squiggly, jagged scribble…

More scribble,

Artistic doodle scribble.

(Translation of scribbles: Damn them. Now my handwriting's a freaking mess. They'll pay… for the house. (Snicker.) My arm hurts. Remind me to never underestimate the blondie again.

From the awesome,

Kai Alexander Hiwatari

--

_YM: I realized my style has changed so that I like writing longer stuff now. Hopefully that'll make up for my absence… Forgive me? Please? Review?_


End file.
